Being passive generally has costs associated with it. We can pay these costs in our personal lives
as well as our professional lives.
I had a friend through most of grade school and all of high
school. After high school graduation,
our lives took very different turns. I
moved away to attend college. She got
married and had children.
Throughout college, I tried to visit her when I when I came
home to visit my parents. I certainly
didn’t see her each time I came home, but I saw her on a fairly regular
basis. I even continued this after
college and when I started my career.
Gradually my visits became fewer and fewer and finally
stopped altogether. The reason? Every time I saw her all she could do was
complain about her husband, her children, and her problems. She never seemed interested in what I was
doing or what my life was like.
Frankly, I got tired of making all the effort and having it
be all about her. Rather than being
assertive and confronting her, though, I acted like prey and ran away. That doesn’t sound very good, does it? But it’s the truth. I was passive. I was a bunny, not a bear. The result was that we lost touch and haven’t
seen each other for years.
With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, I realize I should have
been assertive. I should have stood up
and spoke out. If I had told her how I
felt, it would have given her the opportunity to change if she wanted.
Why didn’t I do that?
It doesn’t seem like such a difficult thing now. But at the time I didn’t want to confront
her. It was easier not. However, easier doesn’t mean better.
The cost? A
friendship ended that probably did not need to end.
Have you had any similar experiences? Any costs to you in your personal life for
being passive rather than assertive?
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