Once upon a time, I had a supervisor who lied. Not only did she lie, but she expected her
employees to lie for her. I discovered
the first part early in my employment. I
never imagined the second existed until the day she asked me to lie to a
customer for her.
I was shocked! I had
never had anyone ask me to lie for them before.
I was so shocked that I did it. I
have regretted it ever since. I was
passive, but I had no idea how to be assertive in this situation and there was
not enough time to think of a plan.
The next time she asked me to lie, I decided I was not going
to do it. I did not tell her that,
though! I still was not at the assertive
stage. I still wanted and needed my
job. Fortunately, the situation that she
anticipated did not happen and so I was able to avoid confronting her.
By the third time she asked me, I was ready. I still wanted my job, but I had a plan if I
lost it. I did not want to sacrifice one
of my most important values for her.
When she asked me to lie to a customer again, I simply looked at her and
said, “No. I am not going to lie.”
She looked at me like she could not believe anyone would say
that to her! Then she started
backtracking and stating that that was not what she meant and then left.
It was scary! I
thought she might fire me on the spot. (Although
I would have fought it if she had.) Yet
I think I handled it well. I stood up to
her and more importantly, I stood up for my values. I was assertive and stated that I was not
going to lie, but I did not become aggressive.
I spoke with respect. I did not
yell, rant, or rave. I did not make
threats. I was assertive.
In some situations, we may need time to become
assertive. We may need to be passive until we can reach the stage where it is possible to be assertive. That is fine.
We can wait until we are ready.
So long as we do become ready.
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