Don’t Act Like Prey! Be Assertive! (15 and final)

The picture is of Mr. Bear again.  Despite knowing what to do when meeting a bear, everything I learned went out of my head when Rick and I rounded a turn on the trail and there was a bear just off the trail!

Rick and I both stopped.  Rick calmly started taking pictures of the bear.  I froze!  Rick reminded me that we are supposed to talk to the bear.  Right!  “Hello, Mr. Bear!  Nice day, Mr. Bear!  Those look like great berries!  Oh, no, Mr. Bear!  We don’t want any of your berries!  We are just out for a hike!”  Imagine me saying that in about three nanoseconds and continuing on like that for several minutes!  I have no idea what I really said.

When the bear went back to eating berries, Rick and I advanced.  When the bear started watching us again, we stopped.  I continued to babble non-stop.  This stopping and starting continued for many minutes until we were well past the bear.

My assertiveness with the bear was not pretty.  I was nervous, a little scared, and a little excited!  I did not handle the situation as well as I would have liked.  However, I stood my ground.  I did not run away.  And, I did not hide behind Rick!

The important thing is that we are assertive, that we do stand up for ourselves.  We do not have to be great at it; we do not even have to be good at it, at least not at first.  It is enough that we do it!

When faced with a difficult situation where you know the right thing to do is to be assertive, don’t be a bunny, be a bear!

I would greatly appreciate any comments that you have related to this series of blogs.  I would also love to hear any stories you would like to share.  Thank you!

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As there are costs with being passive or aggressive, there are benefits to being assertive.

Possible benefits include:

• ·         You can have a true equal partnership with your spouse, which benefits both of you.
• ·         You become an excellent role model to your children, which will help them to be assertive as children and as adults.
• ·         You can set boundaries with your parents in such a way that they know you still love and respect them.
• ·         You know your friends are really friends and stay because they want to continue to be your friend.
• ·         You will probably gain respect from your supervisor, which can help you achieve your professional goals.
• ·         You will gain respect and loyalty from your employees.  You may also see an improvement in their work and productivity.
• ·         With customers, it is important to follow company policy.  Depending upon the situation, the best route might to be passive with the customer.  The assertive part would be reporting the incident and following policies.

The key is to express yourself with tact, thoughtfulness, professionalism, and consideration.  This demonstrates that you respect yourself and the other person.

What stories do you have concerning the benefits of being assertive?

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Assertive communication is necessary for authentic relationships.

Assertive communications starts with respecting your own thoughts and feelings.  Once you truly respect your right to have those thoughts and feelings, it becomes easier to share them with others.

If you remember that others have the same rights you do, and respect those rights, it becomes easier to communicate without becoming aggressive.

Remember to listen and as well as to speak!

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The American black bear is a good example of an assertive animal.  (Do not confuse a black bear with a grizzly bear!  Grizzlies are mean and very aggressive.)

Black bears do not prey on other animals.

If attacked or threatened, a bear will stand up for itself and fight.  If it does not feel threatened, it leaves others alone.

Like rabbits and mountain lions, the black bear is what nature made it.  It does not have a choice.

As humans, we can always choose!

When we are assertive, we communicate our thoughts and feelings to other as appropriate.  We stand up for ourselves.  We do not let other take advantage of us.  We respect our rights and balance that with respecting the rights of others.

This is one of the most important strategies for professional and personal success.  It is not enough that we are assertive in one aspect of our lives; we need to be assertive in all aspects of our lives.

This can seem difficult to do, until we remember that it is really all about respecting rights, our rights and the rights of others.  We respect others and ourselves.

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There are, of course, costs associated with being aggressive.  Costs are individual.  What is a cost to you may not be to someone else.

Possible costs include:

• ·         A simple question to ask regarding spouses, is, if you were aggressive, would you want to be married to you?  That may sum it up!
• ·         With children, remember you are setting the standard.  If you are aggressive with them, disrespectful of them, they may fear you.  They may rebel.  They may grow up to think it is acceptable to be treated this way.  Or, they may become a bully and treat others aggressively.
• ·         Parents can be difficult!  Even if you do not agree with what they have done, respect that they probably did the best they could.  Being aggressive with them now probably won’t change a thing.
• ·         If you treat friends aggressively, why are they still with you?  What does that tell you?
• ·         Being aggressive with your supervisor is dangerous and can get you fired.
• ·         Being aggressive with employees will drive away the good ones.  The ones that are left will probably be trying to sabotage you.
• ·         Of course, being aggressive with customers is not acceptable.

When we are aggressive, when we do not respect others, it hurts us as much as it hurts them.  Life is about relationships.  Being aggressive may not “kill” relationships immediately, but if we attack enough, eventually the person will leave us, if not physically then emotionally.

What stories would you like to share related to the costs you incurred by being aggressive?