Don’t Act Like Prey! Be Assertive! (3)

Respect is the key to finding the balance between passive and aggressive behavior; it is the key to being assertive.

When we are passive, we forget that we have rights.  We do not stand up for our rights.  We let others take them away from us.

When we are aggressive, we forget that others have the same rights we do.  We take their rights away from them.

When we are assertive, we remember that we have rights and so do others.  We balance our rights with theirs.

Another way to view this is that when we are passive, we do not respect our own rights.  We do not respect ourselves.  When we are aggressive, we do not respect the rights of others; we do not respect others.  When we are assertive, we respect our own rights while respecting the rights of others.  We balance our rights with others’ rights.  We respect others and ourselves.

The next section is on relationships. 

What do you think so far?  Agree?  Disagree?  Let me know!

Don’t Act Like Prey! Be Assertive! (2)

We all have basic rights as human beings.  Even the U.S. Constitution states that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  We also have the right to be treated with respect, dignity, professionalism, and courtesy.

Remember something called the First Amendment?  Freedom of speech?  We also have the right to speak.  Along with this goes the right to be heard.

A large part of being assertive is speaking up for ourselves.  It includes telling people what we think and how we feel.  It also includes telling them the impact their words and actions have on us.

They key to finding the balance between being passive and aggressive is respect.

Respect will be the topic of the next blog.

Don’t Act Like Prey! Be Assertive! (1)

The picture is of Mr. Bear.  My husband, Rick, and I met Mr. Bear on a hiking trail in Alaska.  I’ll finish that story in the last installment of this series!

Rick and I frequently spend our vacations hiking in the national and state parks.  In the parks, there is an abundance of information on what to do if you meet wildlife, especially black bears and mountain lions.

If you meet wildlife, you do not have to give up your hike and leave!  If they have not noticed you, just give them space and go around them.  If they have noticed you, do not run away!  That can trigger the chase response.  Trust me; you do not want to be chased by a mountain lion or a bear!  They will probably win the race!

Instead, stand your ground.  If you are with someone, stand next to each other and put your arms out.  Look big.  The idea is that you want to look like enough of a threat that the animal does not want to mess with you.

You do not want to be too threatening, however.  For example, a park ranger in Glacier National Park told of a hiker who had a chunk of his shoulder bitten out by a black bear.  That sounds horrible until you hear the beginning of the story.  A hiker saw a bear on the trail, went up to the bear, and hit it on the nose!  Of course, the bear fought back!

After several years, I realized that the message was really “don’t act like prey.”  Don’t run away.  Stand up for yourself!

After a few more years, I realized this was a good metaphor for being assertive—don’t act like prey.  Don’t be passive and run and hide.  Don’t be aggressive either.  Don’t act like a predator and attack.

Future blogs will discuss how to find the balance of being assertive without being passive or aggressive.

Don’t Act Like Prey! Be Assertive! (Introduction)

This is the title of my latest presentation.  I am also writing a book with the same title and topic.

It can be difficult to find the balance between being passive and aggressive.  Yet it is imperative to our professional and personal success that we learn to be assertive.

This session discusses the costs of being passive and aggressive, and the benefits to being assertive.  It also discusses methods to achieve this balance.

Stay tuned for more information! (And the story behind Mr. Bear.)

What do you think of the title and the topic?

Act, Don’t React

We have numerous situations every day where we need to take action.  We need to make a decision or we need to do something.  The key is to act, not to react.

When we act, we take at least a few minutes to think about what we want to accomplish and the best way to achieve it.  When we react, we do something without thinking about it first.

There are times when reacting is necessary.  If there is an emergency, a disaster, or someone is hurt, often we react and do what needs to be done rather than thinking about it.  This can be good.  In situations like this, quick action is necessary.

Usually, though, we do have at least a little time to think before we take action.  For example, recently I reacted immediately to something that someone wrote.  Almost as soon as I did, I realized I was overreacting to the situation.  However, it was too late to take it back.  All I could do at that point was apologize.

Fortunately, this situation was with a long-time and very good friend.  She forgave me!

It would have been much better, though, had I acted (thought about the situation for even a minute) rather than reacted.  Another lesson learned!